Something in between

When my daughter was born I suffered from something I had never heard of before, postpartum anxiety. We’ve all heard of postpartum depression where you lack an emotional connection to your newborn or you find yourself in a dark scary place but this was different. I was blissfully happy and could not have adored my child more if I tried. She was my world and that was the problem. I loved her so much that I was in constant fear and angst that something could, or would, happen to her. We’re talking tears over going to the grocery store. Reapplying sunscreen every 10 minutes even while sitting in the shade for even a short period of time. Checking the car seat a dozen or more times on a 10 minute trip. It got bad. One night in particular I was nearing panic over taking her to a restaurant and my ever cool and laid back husband reassured me that “it would be fine” to which I shouted “how do you know??? I’m sorry that I care so much that I worry.. would you rather me just not give a shit?” And he said the words that have stuck with me to this very day. “Well no, but isn’t there something in between?” EUREKA! That’s it! Something in between. The goal for all woman kind: balance. The one thing I have always been terrible at. Caring but not caring too much. Trying but not trying too hard. I have since learned that balance truly is the key to success and happiness, not just as a mother but in all realms of life… Something in between. When you know that failure isn’t an option but neither is perfection- there’s always something in between. When you ask me if I’m the mom who makes homemade, healthy meals for my family or the mom swinging through the drive thru I am something in between. When you ask if I’m the mom who will stay up all night before the bake sale wrapping all my brownies up in bows or if I will be delivering a few containers of Kroger’s finest I am something in between. And when you ask me where I am in my life- am I a wife and mother? A good friend? A contributing member to society? The life of the party? All I can say is that at some times I am all of these things and other times I am none of them. For the most part, if you asked me to describe myself I would say that I am just something in between. -Moo